A shiver shook me in the autumn heat
And just like that,
I took off to the car
In a whirlwind of abandon and vagrant feet.
The crunch of the leaves tells me that
The trees are naked now,
Bearing their scars-
And I can remember around this time last year
When you used to scream whispers in my ear.
With one hand on the wheel,
You always hated when the song would end.

I’m knee deep in this mess now,
And it’s only rising.
It’s too much work
Trying to keep my head above the ocean waves.
Barley getting by,
I hang myself out just so I can dry.

I take a drive in the lonely Volvo
And think about how I think too much.
Sometimes I feel like a metaphor,
So lost in translation.
And I don’t know what it is I stand for,
But I think I need a vacation-
Fly back through time now
And land somewhere before all the nightmares started.

Gravity, he’s not to blame
For this heavy life
But it’s your directionless intentions
weighing down on me.

I could never listen to your pregnant plans
That you carried around with you all day long,
And your elaborate dreams
That were lined with silver
Just like our continuous bodies
On those early afternoons.
I guess I wasn’t meant to be alone
And you weren’t fit for being in love.

Sometimes I don’t know why I stay
but your waking dream is what I want to be.
It’s standard textbook seduction
The way your lethal looks pull me in.

And I just want to go to sleep
And pretend I never were-
A momentary fix for being so unsure.
A waking dream, a sleeping cure

Sometimes I lose you inside my head and out
but I’m back from the edge of condolences-
and I can’t look you in your numb eyes,
‘cause they’re clouded over
from the spin of your rum skies.
And you can’t fake destiny forever
Because eventually he catches on
And you disappear while you still can,
your best sleight of hand.

Now I’m reading all the letters you wrote me,
When you went away
And remembering how I used to love the way
You made your cursive D’s-
like at the beginning of decay,
‘cause that’s what I’ve begun to do-
Right at home with all the dying flowers.

And sometimes I lose track of how I am
And how the rest of the world is
When your watered-down words
Don’t intoxicate me like they should.
When I think back to those murderous evenings,
Where we waited for the winter stars
I remember how you used to say
“ we can bend the sky if we want.”
And I hope to god they were real,
I hope to god you were real.

‘Cause here I am stuck in a haze
And I’m waiting for the day
That the flowers get up and walk away
From the garden.
So go ahead and dazzle me.

The night is like a mystery
And your words floated through the dark
Just to meet me.
“Sleeping alone isn’t so bad,”
You once told me last winter
When we broke the cold
And walked to the gas station
To buy a pack of smokes.

I felt like I was going mad
The way I almost believed
Your frozen words
And I felt like a villain
The way I kept stealing glances at you.

But your features were a little blurred
As they hid behind
Your apathetic disguise.
I always loved to watch you drop
Your nuclear eyes
To the ground every time you spoke.
Your lyrical words
Were like a stiff drink
The way they always skipped my ears
And went straight to my head.

And I stumbled home
With barely half a pack left.
I lied awake counting shadows of cars
That passed by my one bedroom apartment
And cursed myself
For buying a bed so big.

A swirl of clouds- a breath blown
By a king in the sky
And the clouds dance
As the sun shoots bullets
That explode on impact.
The shadows imitate
The impending storm
Like the demons raging inside of me.
My skin’s alive,
There’s an itch crawling beneath it
That’s awakened by
Your irrational touch.
The clocks relax
Right before they’re about to explode
And the flames climb
To join the battle in the sky.
I always fall in love with a beautiful notion.
I always fall in love with falling in love.

And I swam to a better day
When this current couldn’t handle me anymore.
I swam to an island
That accidentally fell off the map,
The very same day
You fell out of my life.
Uneasy glances, awkward exchanges,
We always said we had someone new
But it was mostly you…
That really did.

I had shadows
That ran to keep up with me
But even they disappear
When the sun hides from the moon.
And I had mirrors
That all made good impressions of me
But even they couldn’t reflect
The torment raging inside of me.
We always said we had someone new
But it was mostly you…
That really did.

It’s weird waking up next to someone
When you just dreamt about somebody else.
You slept next to them
But spent all night with a familiar face.

Subconscious infidelities are almost worse.